Archive of ‘Diary of A Fat Fat Shamer’ category

How To Have A Body Positive Vacation

Body Positive Vacation

Vacation is your time to relax, unwind, and enjoy yourself; it is about your happiness. The last thing you need is to be stressed about your body and self perception when your goal is to have fun. Since I just wrapped up my most recent vacation I wanted to  share some of my tips with you on how I had a body positive vacation.

Fear Nothing

I’m going to get the obvious one out of the way first. If you’re vacationing somewhere hot and sunny (because apparently people do vacation in cold places) the number one concern tends to be how to remain appropriately covered up, while still comfortable. Here’s the thing, STOP MAKING THAT A CONCERN. Vacation is about relaxing and it’s hard to relax in the heat if you’re constantly pulling at that short sleeve shrug to make sure it covers your arms in a tank top. If you want to wear a tank top, a crop top, a bikini top, wear it. If there was ever a time you weren’t feeling brave about these things before, than vacation is definitely the time to be daring. Don’t sacrifice your own comfort because someone else may not like to see some arm fat. You don’t have to see these people again, but your vacation memories will come home with you, embrace body positivity to make them good ones. Don’t be ashamed to be bold and do whatever puts you the most at ease and in vacation mode. To get these lovely bikini shots for this post I striped off my coverup and stood in the center of the beach in the water and posed for the camera while strangers looked on curiously. I didn’t care, it was my body, my vacation, and I was going to celebrate it because it’s the only one I’ve got.

Eat, Drink, Be Merry

Please do not diet while on vacation. Diets are never a great idea to begin with, lifestyle choices are the body positive way, but when away from home adopt a vacation friendly lifestyle choice. Eat what makes you happy, what appeals to you, eat what you want, just don’t overdo it so you don’t spend your vacation nursing the toilet bowl. The idea is not to feel ashamed of what you decide to eat. Don’t worry about how it might “look”, just worry about how good it tastes. Fat girls are not required to eat salads, skinny girls aren’t required to eat salads, please don’t vacation and eat only salads! Especially if you’re going somewhere with fun and new foods. Sometimes to stop myself from feeling guilty on a vacation, I drink two talk glasses of green juice in the morning and justify everything else with that. (Don’t judge me!)

Get On The Bus…Or The Roller Coaster

If you’re vacationing somewhere that has amusement parks or interactive attractions, don’t be afraid to try anything and everything. Do not be afraid of what people perceive as being an “acceptable” activity for you. Fat chicks can ski, zipline, snorkel, hop on a roller coaster or a water slide and enjoy their vacation just the same as anyone else. Do not let the voices in your head shame you into believing that you have to be the friend who watches everyone’s stuff while they’re off being adventurous.

The most important thing to remember is that 90% of the time, your biggest body positive enemy is you. Sometimes you’re projecting your own body concerns onto what you think others are seeing or saying. Stop thinking about what anyone else thinks about your body and focus on what you think. If you don’t think very highly of your body than use your vacation as an opportunity to explore why you should love you some more. Push some boundaries, run over some fears, and enjoy your life. Celebrate your body, it’s the only one you’ve got.

Fatkini Revolutionary In Pink Pumps

(PS: If you want more pictures and info on the swimsuit then follow me on Instagram and Facebook for it all) 

Diary of a Fat Fat Shamer: A Crash Course In Body Positivity

BODY POSITIVE CRASH COURSE

A few nights ago I was scrolling through my Instagram when I saw a video post from one of my favorite women to follow, Pia Schiavo, also known as the blogging mind behind Chronicles of a Mixed Fat Chick. I clicked on the video to see an enraged Pia voicing her frustrations about the antiquated nature of BMI as a system of health measurement, which she is absolutely right about. I browsed her hashtags and noticed one that i didn’t recognize, #HAES, so I gave it a click and browsed the pictures.

As I scrolled down, I was absolutely appalled at what I saw. There were these awful, hateful pictures about fat being disgusting with comments shamefully saying that there’s no way an individual can be healthy without being skinny; fat shaming galore. One page in particular, called FatRejection, focused on informing women that they need to stop thinking they are sexy at any size they considered fat. The page targets women who try to embody body positivity and points out that the only thing they are promoting is the road to heart disease. I eventually figured out that the hashtag stood for healthy at every size, and had essentially been hijacked by fat shamers to promote fat shaming. (more…)

Diary of a Fat Fat Shamer: The Breakthrough

DIARY OF A FAT FAT SHAMER THE BREAKTHROUGH

DIARY OF A FAT FAT SHAMER THE BREAKTHROUGH

We Go Way Back 

When I was in the seventh grade I used to drink nothing but LA Weight loss diet shakes for lunch. When I was a freshman in high school I went on an intensive diet that consisted of nothing but milk, vegetables, and some choice meditation. Slim fast, green coffee bean pills, skinny teas, you name it and I promise you I’ve tried it. I’ve been persistently obsessed with my weight since I was about 10 years old. I should have been worried about which shade of glitter I would paint my nails, or deciding between root beer or vanilla flavored lip gloss; instead I was constantly caught up in my internal struggle to be skinny.

One of the biggest issues with the images of skinny that plaster beauty campaigns and grace magazine covers, is the people it affects. While these ads may be geared towards grown women, they are coveted by young girls. 11 year olds wanting to learn all the secrets held between the pages of Cosmo and the alike. I was one of those girls, I knew from a young age that I wanted to work in magazines, and I spent my life pouring over the pages of every magazine under the sun. What I didn’t realize was how destructive my obsession with glossy editorials was. Paired with the fact that I was the only Black girl in a school full of tiny white girls, it was a recipe for disaster, and disaster struck hard. I would dip in and out of diets, loosing weight to a certain level of satisfaction only to revert back to my old ways, gaining the weight two fold. I was so genuinely insecure, I had all these notions in my head about cute outfits I could wear if only I was skinny. I told myself boys would be attracted to me once I was skinny, that life in general would get better just as soon as I got skinny. My looks would develop once the pounds went away and for the time being it was just me and my books.

Dark Turns 

By the time I reached sophomore year of high school I couldn’t take it anymore, and so began my 6 month battle with bulimia. It was a dark and depressive time in my life. I told myself that I would only do it once a day and just avoid all other fatty foods. I skipped breakfast and lunch and purged after dinner. Convinced that bulimia was a skinny girl’s disease I assumed no one wold ever suspect what I was up to, but a sickness that strong will affect you in noticeable ways. I didn’t really lose any weight in the process, maybe 5 pounds in all of those months. After admitting to my family and friends my situation I was enveloped in a loving support system and found myself on the healing side of the disease, but not yet on the healing side of body image. My body image battle raged on through high school and college, taking on different forms of self hate.

When the fatosphere bubble popped online, I was all over it, determined to embrace the idea of being plus sized. Yet stil, something was wrong. I wanted to be a certain kind of plus sized, the girls with wide hips and flat tummies, whose bodies seemed like instruments of magic, plus sized yet free of muffin tops, love handles, and back fat. That was my plus size goal. I still couldn’t accept my own plus size. Even when I had lost a good deal of weight in pursuit of my goal, I was never quite “there”. I couldn’t just waltz into any store, pick up a  size 12 and walk out. It was something I was completely unwilling to accept, I was convinced that until I was a size 10/12 I was still fat and that translated to ugly.

The Slow Turn Around 

In my post, Diary of a Fat Fat Shamer, I explain my battle with learning to accept my body exactly as it is. The struggle to help transform the word fat into a description, not a definition, and particularly not an insult. I would read body positive blogs, follow the pages on instagram, chant mantras, and post self love quotes on the daily. Then it finally happened.

This June, I went on a family vacation to Cancun. While looking for swimsuits online I came across Gabi Fresh’s Nala Two piece suit. “If only it were a one piece,” I thought to myself. Then I took a step back and said, “so what?” I held my breath and clicked purchase, in what I thought was one of my bravest acts in life. The brave part though, was going through with wearing it. I agonized over whether to wear it once it arrived in the mail, so I quickly packed it into my suitcase and ignored it. Two days before my trip, I dug it out of my bag and tried it on. I was in love. I was in love with what I saw in the mirror in front of me. I felt beautiful and sexy in a way I have never felt in my entire 21 years. I was exposed. I was so exposed that no amount of twisting or posing would hide my fat, and I couldn’t have been happier. I swear I almost broke down in tears in front of my mirror, because my entire life I had never been so understanding, accepting, and proud of my own body. I’m not at my heaviest weight but I am certainly not at my smallest either. I skipped around in Mexico, in my little two piece like I was the hottest thing on the beach. I laid out in the sand while cabana boys served me mai tais and admired my curves, and not once did I stop them. I was too busy loving my curves myself. When I posted pictures of myself on social media, I felt an overwhelming sense of gratitude for all the amazing words of praise and encouragement flooding my inbox. But what has been greater than my little two piece revelation, was the aftermath.

Living with It 

Although I left the sun and sand behind, the pride in my body came home with me. I find myself staring at my reflection in the mirror happy with what I see in virtually anything I wear. I’ve essentially abandoned my shape wear, waist cinchers, and binders, and embraced the way my tank top carefully hugs the curves of my tummy and dips with the movement of my hips.IMG_2419 I’m excited to go out and I’ve even abandoned most of my makeup, living off of BB cream, lipstick, and mascara. I find myself enjoying life more, talking to more men, smiling more often, and living in the moment. All because I finally managed to accept all of me. There are women who have told me that they didn’t stop fat-shaming themselves until they were in their 30s. Most of the body positive bloggers and advocates out there, tend to be older women who have really lived through some things that helped them recognize how much better life was once they began to accept themselves. I’m so extremely happy to be able to say that at 21 I have finally made a huge step in finding myself, and I am sharing this story in hopes that other women my age, older, and even younger will find their moment.  Sharing my story is not about me, revealing this intimate part of my life does nothing for myself, but I do want it to do something for someone, for everyone else. I want body positivity to be something that women and girls have as a tool in every day life as early on as possible, because I can honestly say that it has made my life better. Imagine a world full of happy, comfortable, and vibrant women; there would be absolutely nothing to stand in our way.

Diary of a Fat Fat Shamer

substantiajaniemartinez

If you’ve ever met me or read any of my other blog posts, then you would know that I am by no means a small chick. I am in fact a self-proclaimed plus sized woman and you will often hear me say that I am proud of it. So of course it’s only natural that I am on the ban fat shaming wagon right? Right. What I didn’t realize was just how hard it would be to actually climb on the wagon, it wasn’t just a hop skip and a jump for me.

What is your reaction to this photo on the left? Well as a fellow woman with love handles and a fold or two, my automatic non-fat shaming response should have been “look at this glorious celebration of the female form!” I should have been deeply overwhelmed by the fearlessness of this woman, by her pride. My actual reaction you ask? “Why the hell would she leave the house like that?” My reaction seemed completely natural to me, after all it is not often that I am faced with an image of a woman, unashamedly showing who she is, when she isn’t a smaller size or has all of her “jiggly” parts neatly tucked away. Then I remembered, ” oh yeah I’m supposed to be against fat shaming”, so why would I react like such a vapid, skinny, person?

Well I took time to honestly sit down and think about it, I mean I spend all of this time reading about body positivity and follow some of the most amazing body positive women on Instagram, so I should be completely comfortable with a picture like this. Then it really hit me. The saying goes “Who’s going to love you, if you can’t love yourself?”, but I asked myself , if no one loved you then from where do you begin to learn how to love yourself?
When I was smacked in the face by this revelation it occurred to me that there is a clear process to self acceptance and even more, acceptance of  a different concept of beauty. We have spent most of our lives having it drilled into our heads and our subconscious that beauty is very specific. It has only been recently that brave and revolutionary individuals have stepped up and taken the concept of beauty into their own hands. It is only recently that the fatosphere popped up and there surged forth this massive wave of self acceptance, self-image reform, and the embracing of the female form in its most natural state. The biggest part of battling fat shaming, is battling the body ideals we were set up with. I’ll be the first to admit that I love my Spanx,

Yeah.. That’s Me

and every chance I get I remind myself to suck it in, tuck it away, and cover it up. But there comes a point now where I find myself slowly asking, why? Why am I trying to cover it up? Why am I trying to hide it? I say to myself that I will wear that crop top after another 10 pounds or I’ll buy that skirt when I can officially fit in a size 10, but why? The answer is, I’m still working on accepting the fact that my body has bits and pieces that I don’t want to show to the world. I don’t want my muffin top to become murmurs among my peers; I am still quietly ashamed. On occasion I still catch myself glimpsing a girl on the street with a shirt that shows of her rolls and questioning why she thought that was okay. Then I remind myself, why did I think that it wasn’t, knowing damn well when I go home and take off my shirt I look exactly the same.

I say all of this to say that for all of my other large, lovely, ladies who have not yet found it in them to completely banish their fat bashing ways, understand that it is not necessarily an overnight thing. It is an uphill battle with yourself, where you have to learn to slay the notions instilled in you for years. Stick with the battle, because some of the worst culprits of fat shaming are ourselves. Just like the standard image of beauty was drilled into us until we accepted it, the new concept of beauty has to be drilled just as hard.

Need help? I would suggest following some body positive women on Instagram. It sounds simple,but consistently presenting yourself with images of body positivity will do wonders for the mental part of this challenge. Some of my personal favorites and sources of inspiration?