3 Reasons Not To Give Him a Second Date

When it comes to dating some dread the idea, some can’t wait, and others just aren’t even phased by the thought; but no matter the emotion, no girl wants a bad date. A bad date is a waste of time, a mood killer, & depending on how bad it is may even be a self esteem killer. As someone who has had her fair share of terrible dates I can honestly say that there are a few tell tale signs that let you know that your date may take a turn from bad to worse, assuming it ever took off to begin with.

 Before You Even Date

Depending on how you met your potential date, be it in person or via one of the million dating apps and sites, a guy’s interaction with you before you actually go on a date can say a lot about what will go down once you finally get there. When you meet a guy online and he opens with calling you sweetie, hun, boo, princess or any variation, you should be concerned. You have a name and he should learn it, not to mention the intimacy he openly invited into the situation without any cues from you. Guys like this tend to be overly concerned about making you bae without really knowing anything about you. On the flip, beware the guy who doesn’t really talk much but is insistent that he’d rather meet in person. Some people really are in inherently internet shy & prefer real life interaction, but other guys are usually about seeing you in person to get their hands on you. It’s rare that he’s really saving up all of his good conversation for face to face interaction, if there’s no chemistry that was a loss for you both. A few messages/conversations that establish mutual interests & some fun banter are a good lead into a date, it’s never a great idea to fly absolutely blind.

Not For Your Convenience

Something I learned from ,The Male Think Tank of Twenties Unscripted, is that a guy who cares even a little about something with you will try to make things a little convenient for you. Now that’s not to say he’s gonna bend over backwards to accommodate with you, but he’s going to find some middle ground to compromise with your convenience. If a guy suggests a place after work that’s out of the way from where you work but is conveniently located around the corner from his place or job, then he really probably isn’t thinking too much about a great date, but maybe an easy way to get you back to his apartment. A noisy bar is a great lead into “my place is quiet and around the corner.” Also, absolutely beware of the guy who invites you to his place for a first date ESPECIALLY if you’ve never met. That guy doesn’t want to date you, he wants to bed you. I’ve heard multiple men say that even if they only had $10 to take out a date they would take her to a nice coffee shop & not invite her over to “watch Netflix”; that’s not endearing or him opening up his home to you, that’s him plotting, being cheap, and inconsiderate. If going on a date is an inconvenience for you but not for him, it’s a flag. My dad always taught me you shouldn’t make yourself so absolutely and readily available for a guy, and over the years that advice has made more and more sense.

 Sir, Your Hands

It is absolutely okay not to want to be hugged up with a guy who you really don’t know. A big issue for me on first dates is how physical men think it is okay to be. Slapping me on the ass an hour into the date is not okay for me. Men who ask why I’m not sitting closer to them, who excessively comment on my body, or feel totally at ease with laying their hand high up on my thigh without any body language from me that says “I want you to touch me”, are not okay in my book, ever. Men who can be intimately aggressive like this in the beginning have one thing in mind, and for some reason always seem to think that by being this physical they’re flattering you. When this is the progress of a date, my understanding becomes that you aren’t actively listening to me or our conversation because you’re so fixated on ensuring that you are in some form of physical contact with me. When you don’t cut these men off at the knees right here, they think that it’s an okay to get even more physically free with you. Men who essentially try to get me to sit on their laps on the first date are absolute red flags for me. I usually move their hands to a very appropriate & public place, and point out and state clearly that I’m not comfortable with so much physicality. Any man who tries to rationalize it by saying, I’m not uncomfortable with his hand but instead how society over sexualizes touch (I can’t make this shit up guys), gets my part of the bill in cash and an automatic goodnight. If this happens to you leave this date, leave this date NOW.

It’s no secret that dating is hard, no matter how you slice it. Your time and company are precious so don’t be afraid to be just a little selective when accepting a date. Keep an open mind, but pay attention to the signs and you could possibly save yourself a potentially horrific date.

4 Comments on 3 Reasons Not To Give Him a Second Date

  1. Kydee
    June 16, 2015 at 10:43 am (3 years ago)

    Loving this post #BLMGIRLS

  2. Chakayla Taylor
    June 16, 2015 at 11:37 am (3 years ago)

    This is totally insightful love! #BLMGirls

  3. Rebecca Gregoire
    June 16, 2015 at 3:02 pm (3 years ago)

    Totally agree with these. 100%. If he doesn’t respect you on the FIRST date, for pity’s sake, what about the 5th? or 10th? or 5 months down the road?
    SO many more girls need to see this post!
    Rebecca Gregoire

  4. Aisha Johnson Adams
    June 17, 2015 at 9:59 pm (3 years ago)

    I am married now, but when I was dating I could stand for a guy touch me the first few dates #BLM


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